A bit of Scouse Humour!
The Ferrari Formula 1 Team fired their entire pit crew yesterday. The announcement followed Ferrari's decision to take advantage of the UK Government's Youth Opportunity scheme and employ people from Liverpool. The decision to hire them was brought on by a recent documentary on how unemployed youths from the Liverpool area were able to remove a set of wheels in less than 6 seconds without proper equipment, whereas Ferrari's existing crew can only do it in 8 seconds with millions of euros worth of high tech equipment.
Tony Blair went on record as saying this was a bold move by the Ferrari management, which demonstrated the international recognition of the UK under New Labour.
As most races are won and lost in the pits, Ferrari now has an advantage over every team.
However, Ferrari may have got more than they bargained for..... At the crew's first practice session, the Liverpool pit crew successfully changed the tyres in under 6 seconds, and then within 12 seconds they had re-sprayed, re-badged, and sold the vehicle to the McLaren team for 8 bottles of Stella, a kilogram of speed and some photos of Coulthard's bird in the shower!
Q: How many Manchester City soccer fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None - they're quite happy living in the shadows.
Q: What do Birmingham fans and sperm have in common?
A: One in 2,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
Q: How do you make a Liverpool fan run away?
A: Build a job centre.
Q: What do you call a Liverpool fan in a suit?
A: The accused
Q: Why does the River Mersey run through Liverpool?
A: Because if it walked it would be mugged!
Q: What do you get if you cross a Wolves fan with a pig?
A: Thick bacon...
The seven dwarfs are down in the mines when there is a cave-in.
Snow White runs to the entrance and yells down to them.
In the distance a voice shouts out "Birmingham are too good to go down!"
Snow White says "Well at least Dopey's alive!"
Footie Anagrams
| George Best | Go get beers |
| Chelsea | Leaches |
| Stan Collymore | Measly control |
| Queens Park Rangers | Ranger Spanks Queer |
| Andy Gray | Randy Gay |
| West Bromwich Albion | I blame brown cow shit |
| Wolverhampton Wanderers | Worst ever home drawn plan |
Bo - Keane - ian Rhapsody
|
Mama, just kicked a man.
|
Great rendition of the classic Queen song. This time the words have been be modified to reflect the mind of former Man United captain Roy Keane, whom I am sure would find it hard to find a ghost writer who could do better than this! Rangers V Celtic
After they crawl out of their cars, the Celtic fan says, "So you're a Rangers fan, that's interesting. I'm a Celtic fan... Wow! Just look at our cars. There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace the rest of our days."
The Rangers fan replied,"Totally agree - this must be a sign from God!" The Rangers fan went on, "And look at this - here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of whisky didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink it, to celebrate the fact we are alive and kicking?"
He hands the bottle to the Celtic fan who nods his head in agreement, opens it and takes few big swigs from the bottle, then hands it back to the Rangers fan. The Rangers fan takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands back to the Celtic fan. The Celtic fan asks, "Aren't you having any?" The Rangers fan replies, "Nah...I think I'll just wait for the police......"
